What I Hated the Least Today 134/365: Looking Good

What I Hated the Least Today 134/365: Looking Good

Classic faceless selfie
Classic faceless selfie

I need to compliment myself since no one is going to do it for me: I’m looking okay. I’ve been trying to lose some weight, which has worked. To the obvious question how I did that, I have a very disappointing answer: I eat low-calorie food and obsessively practise yoga. It’s not really worth it, especially not the barbarous diet of veggies, soya, tofu and other disgusting stuff.

On a related note, my hair looks awesome today. To the obvious question how I did that, there is a Murphy’s Law answer: I didn’t try too hard. I didn’t try at all, besides the usual: washing the hair, dry-blowing it, applying some little hair spray—and going out in the billowing wind. I wish I were able to reproduce this success when I actually go somewhere substantial—today’s trip to the supermarket doesn’t count.

I take pride in finding something negative in each positive thing. To flaunt this skill, I have to add how annoying it is that I lost weight because I don’t own any clothes for my current size. All my trousers and skirts are either too big or too small. I fished out an old pair of jeans—so old that it’s the non-skinny type, which I doubt you can even buy these days—put a belt on it and so made it roughly wearable. It looks comical, with the trousers holding on the belt for dear life. I’ll need to go shopping—which, of course, I hate.

Changing Seasons 4/12

Changing Seasons 4/12

In response to Cardinal Guzman’s Changing Seasons challenge.

What I Hated the Least Today 120/365: 365 Photos

What I Hated the Least Today 120/365: 365 Photos

Creepy me
Creepy me

I completed the second round of my 365 Photo Project. It went so smoothly that I hardly noticed. Except one day when I forgot to take a photo because I was busy at a conference – fortunately I made an unwanted snap of a chair instead of the speaker, which I then shamefully posted and pretended it was my artistic intention.

Rest assured and in peace that I’m not going to do the same routine again (at the moment) because what’s the point when I’ve proved, twice, that I can. Why I should probably not repeat the project again (ever) is the sheer blandness of my snaps – it’s just coffee, cats, yoga and the obligatory shoe selfie. Here’s a selection:

Coffee

Cat

Yoga

Shoe Selfie

What I Hated the Least Today 115/365: What’s This Weather?

What I Hated the Least Today 115/365: What’s This Weather?

It looks like spring but it's winter
It looks like spring but it’s winter

If you live in the northern hemisphere, how was your summer? Pray tell me because I must have missed the season this year. The last thing I remember was a week of spring. I know it was spring because I was wearing skirts and colour tights. It escalated quickly to nylons. That’s where I imagine the summer came in, but I probably dozed off for a few months because it’s clearly winter now.

This morning, my phone Leni’s weather app (my phone is a Leni, my laptop is a Lena, you know, to avoid confusion) declared it was 4˚C, real feel -3˚C, wind 46 kmph. I decided to ignore Leni’s scaremongering and retired to have coffee at the terrace to probe the weather conditions on my own skin. I had to hold on to the railings pretty fast so as not to get blown away.

Admitting defeat and giving in to what Leni thinks is right for me (if she were my parent, she would be proud), I retrieved my winter coat and snow boots from their summer hideout and checked the probability of precipitation for today. It was 16%, which I willingly accepted and removed the umbrella from my bag. Whenever I’m off to teach, I invariably look like a street vendor with all the teaching materials I carry around. An umbrella more or less therefore makes a huge difference.

I jogged to the bus stop as I was late as I spent an excessive amount of time researching the weather. Hardly did I poke my nose out of the building when it started to drizzle. Yelling inwardly, My hair!! My haaaiiiirrr!!, I shielded my hair from the impact of raindrops. I did appreciate that it wasn’t hailing, which could have had an adverse effect not only on my hair but on the whole of my skull, possibly making it unwhole.

The following conclusions can be drawn from the above:

  • Smartphones are dumb (which we already knew anyway).
  • Weather forecasts are wrong (tell me something I don’t know).
  • It always rains, unless when you have an umbrella.
  • Winter is coming and the night is nigh (or whatever).

The following essential question remains:

  • What the heck is this weather and what happened to summer?

And a bonus question:

  • Why did I bother to do my hair in the morning (and where do I get a windshield to shield my hair from wind)?
What I Hated the Least Today 111/365: Shoes <3

What I Hated the Least Today 111/365: Shoes <3

New acquisition approved by the cat
New acquisition approved by the cat

I have had long-standing issues with quality of everything from biscuits to knickers. I believe in the conspiracy theory that Eastern Europe serves as a dump for all of poor quality, since shoppers are poor, so it’s a match. Of course, I am special, and I demand that what I buy actually works, fits me and doesn’t disintegrate after first use.

Germans make some good stuff – though among other not exactly commendable things, they introduced the nightmare of me and the paradise of most, the budget Kaufland supermarket (equivalent to the American Walmart). They’re still reasonably good with clothes and shoes. Almost all my clothes were Orsay (before they switched to a saving mode and spoilt it all). Almost all my shoes are Tamaris.

I have a new acquisition to report. My new navy blue slings look good and solid, but only the first testing trip will show if they’ll be killing it or if they’ll be killing my feet. Naturally, since I’m special, I also have a special pair of feet that are highly inclined to getting hurt. Contrasting the new and the old, I still keep my first pair of shoes of this brand. It’s a pair of nastily worn flats which I use when I take out the rubbish.

Ten years later and not fallen apart yet
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What I Hated the Least Today 93/365: Baggage

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I’ve been in need of a professional stock portrait photo forever. My standard profile pic, a bathroom selfie of me holding in one hand my Lenovo (as opposed to iPhone) with the flash in the process of firing and in the other hand a wriggling cat, isn’t probably inductive to presenting me as a trustworthy professional whom you’d hire. Unless you’re looking to hire a stand-up comedian or a cat herder.

Now, get the mental image of my bathroom selfie out of your mind, I was just testing your gullibility. Of course I don’t use the above described photo on my profiles, I don’t even have a photo like this. See, this proves that I am untrustworthy after all. Which is a harsh way of saying that I use my right to exploit poetic licence.

Today I had an appointment with an acquaintance who happens to be a professional photographer. I arranged with him to have my new and improved business style portrait photos taken. Naturally, I also required that he reduce in post-processing those bodily parts that need reducing (my baby bump, which is not a baby bump) and add to the bodily parts that need expanding (the above-the-not-baby-bump area).

I took a train to get to the photographer’s studio and a suspicious bag containing an extra outfit for the photoshoot. The idea is to try to impress on the customer the misled belief that I own more than one set of work appropriate clothes. I struggled with the unwieldy bag during the trip and was expecting that someone would alert the police that there was a creepy woman on the train with a bag potentially containing explosives.

The worst part is that I have one of those faces that always look guilty – my constant facial expression is like I just stole your kitten – and the bag did actually contain dangerous weapons in the form of stilettos. I nearly murdered myself by mistake when I was handling the heels and was trying to wear them for the photo – otherwise, sadly, I find that heels have an adverse effect on my balance and don’t wear them.

As I got out of the train and was waiting for a bus connection, a fellow creepy guy with a suspicious bag approached me. Given our shared baggage, he clearly felt a sense of affiliation. He appeared like he’d had a shower this week and his clothes probably didn’t originate from a dumpster, so I decided I wouldn’t run away at once. He introduced himself as a hippie. What the heck? I remained suspicious but let him talk.

It turned out that the self-proclaimed hippie was earning for his pot by selling Chinese luck charms, which was what his bag contained (besides pot). As he was explaining the beneficial effects of his charms, a bus pulled to the kerb and nearly ran him over. That much to luck charms. I pointed out the discrepancy, but he insisted that without the charm, he’d be dead now. Whatever. I appreciated that he didn’t pretend he was collecting money for charity. He appreciated that I appreciated it. We had a charming chat which ended abruptly as I made it clear that I wasn’t giving him any money.

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What I Hated the Least Today 88/365: Skirt Season

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Spring aka the skirt season

Looking at my last few posts, a pressing question crops up if I ever take snaps of anything else but my legs. Uh. Well. Not really, these days. Several reasons:

  • I’m quite glad that I posses the right number of legs with the right functionality. As there’s a wheelchair user in a class I teach, I’m constantly being reminded that it’s not so bad to have all the limbs.
  • I’m lazy. One’s own legs are the perfect subject to shoot because they always tend to be there and one doesn’t even need to get up to take the shot. Convenient.
  • I’m vain. Legs, whatever, but check out my cool colour tights! I know, right. It’s borderline between cute and creepy to dress oneself up as a smurfette. At my age, it’s probably more creepy, but let’s pretend that I’m a stylish ageing lady. At least, I don’t wear a blue lipstick, which I saw one (un)stylish elderly lady wearing the other day. I wonder if it was by mistake or choice. In either case, it was a mistake and it scared me.

Eventually, this is to announce that I’ve declared the start of the skirt season, known to most people as spring. May it last long so that I get to wear all the colours of tights that I own before the start of the bareleg season, known as summer.

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