I had an acute episode of feeling weird yesterday. I know, that’s not a very specific description of the condition. I don’t know what my bloody problem was, apart from lacking a will to do anything, including breathing.
I fixed it though when it occurred to me to pleasure my OCD (aka CDO) and dig around in my computer archives with the apparent purpose to organise them. It was really an emotional displacement because everything about me, including my archives, are well organised already. Except it’s not perfect, so here you go.
What I dug up was shocking. That is, boring to anyone but me, who was genuinely surprised and sometimes severely shocked at my own paraphernalia. I couldn’t even remember that I ever created some of the content I found, but unless my cat has a covert hobby, it must’ve been me.
Among other long-forgotten and hence basically non-existent stuff, I found: unexpectedly good poems in Czech (in a folder labelled creative writing, so I must’ve authored them); love letters (what the actual fuck?); something written in German (I do recall I studied German but no longer speak the language); and photos, a lot of photos.
The ones in the gallery were originally posted on Flickr, before I deleted my account after not using it for years. (You get the sequence of events here, right?) They were taken with my beloved red compact camera, which I no longer own and wonder whom I gave it to. Because I want it back.
Mara Eastern 
I wanted to say some things but instead here’s relevant conversation:
You’re lucky you have your history saved. So many times I’ve gotten rid of computers and hard drives in psychotic fits, donating them to goodwill or your local small town donation store, getting rid of years of my own, that I wish I had.
Wow that sounded a lot angrier than I meant it to. Well anyway. History is a fun thing and I wish I had more of my. Hmm. Still sounds angry.
Definitely not angry. Promise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suspect you did good to get rid of your history and start with a clean slate! What I found in my archives made me mostly depressed.
LikeLike
OCD is fun. Organizing things is really pleasant. But I guess it can be bad, too, if you’re neurotic about it and compulsive and it invades your life. But casual OCD is great fun. I love organizing things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
OCD is sort of fun, agreed. But sometimes the organising and preparing for work takes more time than the actual work…
LikeLike
Okay thanks bye.
LikeLike
See you!
LikeLike
Very interesting shapes and textures, Mara. ❤️
LikeLike
Thank you! I never had much to shoot, so I focused on these small ordinary things…
LikeLike
It happens. But good shapes
LikeLike
Good to hear I’m in a good shape, thank you!
LikeLike
Hehe. Shapes of trunks cut. Not you 😂
LikeLike
Oh well…
LikeLike
Love the photos, Mara. Nothing like a trip, detour or two down memory lane 🙂
LikeLike
The photos weren’t the worst thing I found in my archives… A trip down the memory lane is nice – when it’s a nice one!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Do you have a favourite poet? Years and and years ago when I read poetry – prompted by Mr Wilson at school to whom I owe a debt of gratitude for widening my horizons – I liked T S EIiot. There’s a line that probably everyone who read that particular poem remembers, ‘In the room the women come and go, Talking of Michelangelo’ that seemed to be such a dig at pretentiousness, but gentle. And it was like someone had come out of the page to rescue me and my young thoughts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw… Such a great experience, to have poetry influence you so much! I prefer the hysterical women poets, Plath, Dickinson… But some Robert Frost thrown in for good balance is nice too.
T. S. Eliot isn’t my particular favourite, I’m afraid, I spent too much time puzzling over his Waste Land. But, Prufrock is amazing. The lines that touched me the most were “I grow old … I grow old … I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled”. And, of course, the stark opening lines of the poem. The patient etherised upon a table. Such a powerful simile…
LikeLiked by 1 person
You sound very organised on your computer. I don’t know if I ever want to keep love letters on there…what’s permanent on your computer can be permanent forever… You want something back but can never get it back…ugh.
LikeLike
You captured my meaning exactly: I didn’t bother to write it down, I often forget the main idea, oops. But the point was that I (we) want back what’s long gone…
I’m superorganised, which isn’t always a good thing. It takes a tremendous amount of time. I had no idea I had so much stuff on the computer: I wanted to bin the love letters in particular, but I just left them there as a moral 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a delightful surprise, Mara. Nothing is sure, nothing is perfect, and I’m happy that you’re experiencing that.
Finding hidden treasures is always a pleasure!
LikeLike
Aw, thank you for stopping by, now, that’s a delightful surprise! (Of course you wouldn’t stop by more often when I hardly ever blog, right.) It’s hard to accept that nothing is perfect (though I’m working on it and it’s getting easier) and even more so that nothing is sure (I work on that too, with less success). It’s a surprise to look back, whether in your memory or your physical archives, and see what became of you…
LikeLike
I must say that I totally relate to you as I hardly ever blog and when I do, my schedule is very irregular. It was great that we came across each other.
These are good news about your progress on perfectionism; it is a major achievement.
Looking back is interesting as well and I hope you feel proud of what you became.
LikeLike
In any case, it’s great seeing more of you on the blog these days!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Likewise!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Isn’t it interesting how we can so easily forget things we’ve written? I rediscover things I’ve forgotten on MY OWN BLOG. I’m like “I didn’t know I wrote a poem about that!”
LikeLike
Exactly! My own blog is an endless source of surprise to me. Very often cringeworthy.
LikeLike
Finding the old stuff is so fun. My husband had computer problems (fact: he is a retired computer tech….yeah) and lost 6 months of photos. I about had a heart attack on the spot. Cracked me up the CDO comment…. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh a retired computer tech! I’d love to have such guy at home 😉 I sometimes lose stuff but only because I think I won’t need it and deliberately delete it. Oops.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I on the other hand is quite messy. You wouldn’t want to see my flat 🙂
I still have old photos in my memory card that I took a few years ago but I’m just been too lazy to save them to another place.
LikeLike
I got you, I have old photos on my memory card too, though I’ve meanwhile backed them up. And then I’ll go crazy and format the card and reset all the camera settings, just so…
LikeLiked by 1 person