Most of the time, I know exactly what to do. Much of the time, I do the exact opposite.
I’ve been procrastinating a lot these last few days. I know why. Because I’m an idiot. Also because I have too much work and there is no end to it. I’ve been diligently overworking myself for the last few weeks. That’s the very definition of idiocy: doing the same thing and expecting a different result. The last time I worked myself through to the madhouse, which wasn’t that bad but somewhat counterproductive.
So I’m procrastinating now by blogging. I also procrastinate on social media. I’m not sure what I’m doing there and what the point is, I pretty much just open the relevant app and close it again without even bothering to scroll. I procrastinate by posting idiotic posts all over the place too. I wonder if the motive is that I’m trying to make someone somewhere care. I really should care more for and about myself.
Another underlying reason for my current procrastination and pissed-off-edness are two social occasions I’m facing. One is the long anticipated visit of my father, who never fails to make me want to kill myself. Another is an impromptu business thing scheduled for the next day, if I survive. For both events, I guess I should make myself presentable. Not in my usual way presentable but in a respectable way presentable.
I should probably remove my black nail polish and replace it with something decent aka boring. I might have to wear a headscarf because my father is irritated by my hairstyle and I don’t want him get a stroke. I suppose I shouldn’t wear my big dangling earrings and my favourite lace collar either. Sigh. I hate it to assume an air of normalcy / professionalism. If you’re waiting for the point, there’s none, sorry. Gotta go do some serious work now.
Mara Eastern 
You could pretend to like it and see what happens!
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Now that’s a good challenge!
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Let me know how it goes 🙂
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Will do!
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You are right in that it matters little how much we as blog friends care about you, it’s you who has to care for you and I know that is not always easy when you have pressures descending on you. The thing is we are always here, well I hope I am for a while I have no plans otherwise, and because we are here we expect to see you here as well, not that that should influence you one way or another, so you can always come back to your blog and write about how crap everything is and we as caring bloggers will respond in kind. How cool is that?? Most of us wont judge you or anything nasty like that, just be the friends we are…
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I’m often nihilist, so I guess it might come across as disrespectful towards you. That’s not what I mean at all, of course, I have a huge appreciation for this little blogging community, which has been helping so much with everything! It’s great to have you.
Thank you, as always, for being so incredibly kind, generous and tolerant when it comes to my nonsensical rants. You’re the best!
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Well that’s lovely to hear you say as there are not many who would say that about me, at least to my face….lol….I don’t think at any stage I have considered you disrespectful, we come from different generations and I figure your perspectives on things are worth listening to.
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It’s a shame that people hesitate with compliments. You deserve one (at least one 😉 ). I guess everyone’s perspective is worth listening to, though sometimes it’s hard to get.
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Thank you, I shall treasure it always, as its the only one I’ll get from you…lol
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Hi Mara,
I’ve recently gone back to teaching English and, since I neither do the kind of language teaching that involves coaching people how to say ‘hello’ and be nice to each other (I couldn’t do that if I tried!) nor the kind that involves learning lists of phrasal verbs and agonizing over the usage of the Present Perfect (I could do that very well but prefer not to, as I know it is counterproductive.), this means that I spend most of my productive day listening to people’s language/psychological problems (both are usually entwined) and advising them on how to deal with this for themselves. What a weird job I have!
Writing and Listening are usually the most revealing skills. Writing provides a kind of MRI of the soul. Listening reveals how much of a c-word (Scots for psychopath/everyman) the person is, depending on the extent to which they are incapable of doing it.
So, having lingo-psycho-analyzed three people today over six long hours, forgive me if my first response to your post is to do the same for you.
So far as writing is concerned, my advice to you is “Don’t ever change!” You write funnily and brilliantly and fluently, with a lot of wit and personality and sensitivity to a potentially diverse audience. This is a highly valuable skill. As I have said before, you are one of the very few bloggers whose posts I read regularly and the only one whose writings often merit reading in detail rather than just skimming through.
Your sensitivity to audience response and willingness to respond to comments suggests that you have good listening skills too and your recent post on the pronunciation of ‘beverage’ and ‘mousse’ indicates that this extends to the phonetic level also. The self-perceived mispronunciations that you reported in that post, in characteristically self-deprecatory fashion, actually reflect Scottish rather than standard UK or US English. The first ‘e’ in beverage is much closer to a long “i” in Scottish English. “Mouse” is a homonym of “mousse” in the language of Rabbie Burns.
In short, keep doing what you are doing and feel free to hate these words of praise
Paul.
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Wow, hello, Paul, nice to hear from you and so great to get such a thoughtful comment (as is your habit)!
I’m glad you don’t have to teach elementary English. That’s just a deadening thing to do. I did that a few times, but it was very uninspiring. I prefer to teach a subject in English: say, writing or literature or something; not English as a foreign language.
Thank you of course for your praise, which is very flattering, though I wish it were deserved too! Your analysis of the writing and listening skills is on point. I’d never imagine so much psychology behind these…
Keep on surprising me (and others)!
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