What I Hated the Least Today 259/365: Real-Life X-Files

What I Hated the Least Today 259/365: Real-Life X-Files

Mandala lighter: smoking with Zen

Mysterious things are happening to me. Or I’m just going nuts. (I like nuts.)

My lighter has been abducted by aliens. Don’t even think of suggesting that I simply lost it. I don’t lose anything. (Though I may sometimes lose my shit.) Several weeks ago, I dropped my lighter from the balcony. (Don’t ask me how you drop a lighter from the balcony, it was a momentary loss of shit and movement coordination.) The lighter has been lying down there since then. I dropped it in an enclosed area belonging to a pub downstairs which shut down months ago. Today, I noticed the lighter was gone.

I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation. Like, a cat got it. Or a pigeon got it and now we’re facing a pigeon apocalypse. Or, possibly, it was a James Bond lighter and it evaporated. Or it was a ninja lighter and it ninjaed its way out through the fence. Or, being a lighter, it spontaneously combusted. (Why does my spellcheck underline combusted in red? And why does my spellcheck underline underline? I’m telling you, the aliens are up to something.) I’m scared. And I want my lighter back.

18 thoughts on “What I Hated the Least Today 259/365: Real-Life X-Files

  1. Ninja Lighter!! Those words shouldn’t be underlined, not on the American keyboard English anyway. I like your upcoming events in the sidebar, have fun Mara! ❤️


    1. Haha, I’m glad you like my upcoming event, I just threw it in on a whim because I’m whimsical (and to keep it in mind). My spellcheck was being weird and picky with underlining underline – aliens must have messed with it 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Spellcheck can be a pain on a phone or iPad, even embarrassing. I try to use proper English and include the letter U and S in certain words, but the spellcheck isn’t a fan. I force it.


        1. Hm, maybe there’s an option to set your spellcheck to British English, if that’s what you prefer? I have quite some experience with setting up spellchecks since I want them to do two languages, my mother tongue and British English.


  2. Wouldn’t it be easier to buy another one or a packet of matches….but knowing you as I do now I can see you sleeping at night with a tin foil hat on so the aliens don’t fry your brain….please keep me informed I’ve been waiting years for them to land in my backyard and come in for a cup of tea.


    1. I sure would be easier to replace it rather than to hope to retrieve the abducted lighter, but it was my favourite! It was bottomless. Or so it seemed. I have reserved my slot for the first alien visit for me, but I’ll be sure to send them over to you once I’m done with them.


  3. This is easy to explain. Lighters, ball point pens and odd socks are all trying to escape this mundane dimension and escape to a higher plane. What you saw was not really your lighter, just a shadow left behind as it flipped itself into a better existence. Just be happy for it.. 😀


    1. Aw, thank you for your white lie telling me that my lighter is at a better place 😉 But maybe it has achieved the state of transcendence or nirvana of whatyoumaycallit… Great to see you around!


  4. The pigeons have taken up smoking Havana cigars (an expensive habit but we all know how frivolous pigeon are) and have borrowed it until they get round to buying a replacement. Yes, they should have asked, but as well as being frivolous pigeons have no manners. Just watch out for them – they’ll be after your fags next 🙂


    1. I knew it! When in doubt, blame the cat – should the cat prove to be innocent, blame the pigeons! I’ll start handing them flyers on the health risks of smoking. So I could have their stash of Havana cigars.

      Liked by 2 people

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