This is about the cat. Again. But I swear it’s a cat story the like of which you never heard before.
My cat woke me up, as usual, at an ungodly (and unmanly) early hour of the morning, when she was amusing herself by chewing the blinds. I’m not at my finest when disturbed from sleep, so I was considering throwing a box of tissues in direction of the aggressor, but then I refrained from throwing something I might need later for myself. I just clapped my hands (the signal for the cat to stop, which I perform at any waking or sleeping state reflexively like Pavlov’s drooling dogs), and the cat, momentarily dissuaded, moved with audible snort of disgust to the other window.
The story starts here. Before I managed to tuck myself in again, the cat started to meow in the extremes of distress. My maternal (caternal) instincts made me instantly wide awake, and I jumped out of the bed quite athletically to check the kitty. Increasingly alarmed, I observed her curled up and choking violently. Has she chewed off and swallowed a piece of the blinds? She didn’t proceed to throw up, but instead slided from the window sill to the floor on three legs only. I was horrified. What’s happened to her paw? And then I saw she had her paw in her mouth, stuck inside by her nail.
Wondering if my cat was suicidal, I attempted to release her. To say that she didn’t cooperate is an understatement. After several failed attempts, I called nine one one (the cat version of it) on one line and suicide line on the other line. I assured the cat emergency that I wasn’t joking (the call girl, I mean the girl staff member, clearly doubted the credibility of my story), and I was advised to go on trying and call back. To cut the story short (while my agony was much longer), I did manage the free the dumb cat from herself. Seconds later she meowed at me in a friendly manner and went on to crunch some dry food.
The cat survived intact, but I was badly shaken. Also, the cat nearly killed me in the process of killing herself, as I later discovered a long slash across my thigh incurred in the struggle. She had a near miss of my artery. I’ll need more Diazepam and a spare cat in case the current one commits suicide by gutting herself.